say goodbye to the old
and in with the new
while :gasp!: furniture shopping last night with an all-too chipper hubby, we realized that it has been 7 years since we moved out of our first "drowning in debt" Lombardy house. Seven years! beckett was 2, and we bought a roll-off dumpster, and threw away most of our lives because
1. it was trashed, and wasn't worth anything
2. we were beginning to be a little hoarder-ish, so most of it was just stuff
3. we didn't know where we were moving to, so we didn't think we had room for all that crap.
so with our four kids, one van, one car, a billion boxes of stuff, one queen sized bed and nightstand and armoire, and one FABOOSH green chair, and $1500 in our pocket to show for our loss of a house, we were off. we bought double bunk beds, a new couch, a free kitchen table and chairs (thanks to my dad!) and moved into the saddest place ever: low income housing.
but we didn't see it that way.
because to us, after selling our house in a short sale 2 weeks before the sheriff's sale, with shame in our hearts and kids to hang on to, we got the one thing we truly needed:
a fresh perspective, and a brand new start.
and it did start there. nate set up our (tiny) bedroom with a computer desk, and introduced me to quicken, and showed me how to budget, and balance a checkbook, and have money left over every month. it wasn't a lot, but it was the first step. and as each creditor got their fair share (oh discover card, we still hate you!) and the phone calls became less and less, we got a sense of what normal must feel like.
normal must feel like happiness, when you realize your pay check isn't gone the minute you get it.
normal must feel like wisdom, when you realize you just don't purchase the item you're craving, rather than take on extra jobs to cover your bounced check fees from all your impulse purchases. (true story!)
normal must feel like a breath of fresh air, as you breathe in sanity every night, knowing you'll sleep. instead of staring at the wall while you feel your world crumble around you. you lay there, making yourself stay in bed, because you know if one foot hits the floor, the other one will follow and you'll run out on this life forever.
we still made mistakes. lots of them. and we still get a little spendy, but we have a good balance now, and the perspective to see where we can get to.
so fast forward 7 years. the kids are at home, and we are at ashley furniture buying a new bed frame. even though every part of me wants a new mattress and bedding and to redecorate everything, i'm thankful for the new bed nate is buying me. i loooooooove it. and when we sign the papers and walk out the door, i say to nate "this is one of three things we have left from our life in lombardy. our bed, our armoire, and our faboosh green chair". and we are speechless for a minute, because that seems like a lifetime ago.
and usually, i have trouble letting go. i don't like change, at all. anyone who knows me knows how paralyzed i get by change.
but this bed, and the journey that took me to my barbie dream house, and all those sleepless nights i spent in it, i'm just a little happy to let go.
goodbye, old bed. hello, new life.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
two birthdays down, two to go
well my baby boy parker turns 12 today. and my daughter (and favorite oldest child) madison turned 14 on sunday.
amazing.
its amazing how everything people told you about life passing you by so quickly will catch up with you while you are making pickle wraps in the kitchen, and your husband stands baffled while you cry. rolling those pickles in cream cheese, you look into the living room at your four children rocking out to weezer, dancing like they hadn't fought all morning long, but like they were the best friends you always wanted your kids to be. and how 5 minutes earlier, your husband came up behind you and snuggled your neck and kissed you, and told you how much he loved you. (like the movies, seriously, it was. it gave me goose bumps). fast forward to the center island 5 minutes later, tears rolling down your cheeks, and all you can do is smile through them.
i think about the mom i was when i was 19. the d
ay i had madison, how overwhelmed i was, because in truth, i knew i wasn't ready to be a mom. all the visitors left me flustered, and all i could do was feel uncomfortable in my own skin, because i didn't recognize this little monkey that someone had legally entrusted me with. but i knew i had lots of help, and i was going to need it. friends like mo, sisters like kelly to teach me, and a baby sis like melissa to come home from TX and help me feel 19 again. a mom and dad, divorcing, who set it all aside and helped me be me, in the mom form. and for a great grandma, like mom mom, who let me sleep some sanity in, did all the bathing and cooking and cleaning, and let me slowly dip my foot into the pool of motherhood. you would think with all that training and help, i'd be ready two years and two days later for parker, but boy, i wasn't!
that fall day, two days after madison's 2nd birthday party, when this little man was born. i remember how safe i felt, knowing that i had a husband to share that birthing room with. how all the 9 interns and 1 doctor and 2 nurses made the room feel crowded, but the room was silent when nate whispered in my ear "you can do this, babe!" his sweet little faced, bruised and dented from all the force the doctors used on him smiled back at me, and i
loved his little nose, which looked just like his dad.i felt i must have given nate the best gift, because while i watched him look at parker while holding madison on his lap, i knew we were a perfect family. i had him to rely on, and madison to help the transition go smoothly (she has no idea, to this day, how much of a help she was to me!). it was hard, being home, and feeling alone. there were dark days, and even darker moments, but when i stop to think of all the moments that were best, i think i can say i did a pretty good job. watching madison and parker form bonds i'd never understand (being that i came from all girls) i was happy to have a boy, even if i didn't (and still don't!) understand what makes them tick. he is perfect, and sweet. and i adore him more every day.
so happy giving-birth day to me, and happy 12th birthday to parker. the first piece in the olson puzzle that made us a family. i am so blessed. so very very blessed.
amazing.
its amazing how everything people told you about life passing you by so quickly will catch up with you while you are making pickle wraps in the kitchen, and your husband stands baffled while you cry. rolling those pickles in cream cheese, you look into the living room at your four children rocking out to weezer, dancing like they hadn't fought all morning long, but like they were the best friends you always wanted your kids to be. and how 5 minutes earlier, your husband came up behind you and snuggled your neck and kissed you, and told you how much he loved you. (like the movies, seriously, it was. it gave me goose bumps). fast forward to the center island 5 minutes later, tears rolling down your cheeks, and all you can do is smile through them.
i think about the mom i was when i was 19. the d
ay i had madison, how overwhelmed i was, because in truth, i knew i wasn't ready to be a mom. all the visitors left me flustered, and all i could do was feel uncomfortable in my own skin, because i didn't recognize this little monkey that someone had legally entrusted me with. but i knew i had lots of help, and i was going to need it. friends like mo, sisters like kelly to teach me, and a baby sis like melissa to come home from TX and help me feel 19 again. a mom and dad, divorcing, who set it all aside and helped me be me, in the mom form. and for a great grandma, like mom mom, who let me sleep some sanity in, did all the bathing and cooking and cleaning, and let me slowly dip my foot into the pool of motherhood. you would think with all that training and help, i'd be ready two years and two days later for parker, but boy, i wasn't!that fall day, two days after madison's 2nd birthday party, when this little man was born. i remember how safe i felt, knowing that i had a husband to share that birthing room with. how all the 9 interns and 1 doctor and 2 nurses made the room feel crowded, but the room was silent when nate whispered in my ear "you can do this, babe!" his sweet little faced, bruised and dented from all the force the doctors used on him smiled back at me, and i
loved his little nose, which looked just like his dad.i felt i must have given nate the best gift, because while i watched him look at parker while holding madison on his lap, i knew we were a perfect family. i had him to rely on, and madison to help the transition go smoothly (she has no idea, to this day, how much of a help she was to me!). it was hard, being home, and feeling alone. there were dark days, and even darker moments, but when i stop to think of all the moments that were best, i think i can say i did a pretty good job. watching madison and parker form bonds i'd never understand (being that i came from all girls) i was happy to have a boy, even if i didn't (and still don't!) understand what makes them tick. he is perfect, and sweet. and i adore him more every day.so happy giving-birth day to me, and happy 12th birthday to parker. the first piece in the olson puzzle that made us a family. i am so blessed. so very very blessed.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
i've turned off the disconnect button
i've been feeling a little lost lately
not at my job(s), which i love
not with my kids, whom i adore
but with my man.
yep, this guy
and its sad, because EVERYONE warns you. "make sure you find time to connect. make sure you take time for each other. make sure that you don't put your kids first".
we have always been the "quality time when we can get it" people, and its been enough to make the magic happen most days.
but when you're looking down the throat of 12 years of marriage, the magic moments tend to be a little....hmmmm... less sparkly than you'd like sometimes.
take this fall. football. student council. switching jobs, twice. vehicle stress. changing buildings. business trips. the whole shabang. it makes for some exhausting weeknights.
and the short tempers
and the quick to fight back response
and the "who in the h*ll do you think you are, not putting me first or remembering my needs or helping with the chores, or making me feel loved, or even remembering to kiss me goodnight" repsonse.
yeah, it kinda got that far.
and somewhere in the thick of it we had one of those arguments, where you say things you can never take back, and things happen that change the shape of your marriage. and at that moment, you can see it all slipping away.
it was the most stomach wrenching, fearful moment of my life.
and we're climbing back from it. but still, there's a gap between us. there's my end of the couch, and your end of the couch. my schedule, your schedule. my plans, your plans. and it starts to be okay. because you get more done when you don't have to plan around someone else.
only that someone else is the center of your world, and you really start to feel alone in a 3000 square foot home.
so i stopped. and i remembered what brought us together in the first place.
friendship, and laughter. no love. just those two things.
so i stopped with the kissing, and stopped with the "making quality time" or anything else.
and i made time to laugh with him, at us, and at the kids, and at anything else that was funny.
and we made time to be friends. "sure, i'll watch you put your motorcycle back together for 2 hours" and "you can sit and watch 'teen mom' with me again, and talk about how sad we are for the girls in this next generation".
so maybe the tv wasn't turned off, so we could "connect". but we found the friendship, and sometime in the fast few weeks, those first kiss..first everything flutters have started to come back.
and baby, i think i'm in love.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
i'm crabby
i love rainy days
i hate it when nate won't answer his phone
grrrrrrrrrr
so instead of running to target and taking out my anger on baked goods
(yes! i will eat you, and you will hate me, but i don't care! i am crabby!)
i am checking out new blogs
and just when i thought i had seen it all
i read this
"the party"
and it made me laugh
out loud
you should read it too.
it will turn your day from crabby to happy
and save all the baked goods at your local target store
i hate it when nate won't answer his phone
grrrrrrrrrr
so instead of running to target and taking out my anger on baked goods
(yes! i will eat you, and you will hate me, but i don't care! i am crabby!)
i am checking out new blogs
and just when i thought i had seen it all
i read this
"the party"
and it made me laugh
out loud
you should read it too.
it will turn your day from crabby to happy
and save all the baked goods at your local target store
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
the man i love
while reading a fave blogger's entry about her husband, and how incredibly proud and in love with him she is, it occurs to me how much i adore and appreciate my husband nate.
i tell him all the time. every day, multiple times a day.
but sometimes, its good to see those words in print. to set wings to the words and let them be free to touch people outside my four walls.
so i'll start as she did, and then do my best to do my man justice
:eh-hem:
"there are many things you don't know about my husband, but there aren't too many that I don't know."
i know that he has more strength and love than any man I've ever met. i can thank his momma for that. she raised him right, and showed him that men don't have to choose between being strong and being kind.
i know that he too, cannot, sleep without checking on all the kids, even our fourteen year old. and he can't sleep unless he's checked every door, because i don't sleep well unless he does.
i know that learning quickly and being naturally gifted at EVERYTHING he touches is his gift. i used to resent him for it, but now i appreciate his ability to do all things well, and right the first time. :)
i know that he holds his tongue more than anyone i know. not just around me, but others too. he doesn't hold it because he's a coward, but because he's learned that saying nothing speaks volumes, more so that a rambling fool.
i know he hurts sometimes, and he doesn't trust himself to open up. so its up to me to help him find the words.
i know he's sacrificed a world of opportunities to make my dreams a reality, from day one.
i know the minute i fell in love with him. sitting next to him at a high school friend's wedding, i wondered why it had taken me so long to see this man sitting next to me. four hours later, in a run-down denny's, he told me he loved me, and knew we'd be together forever.
he's handsome and funny, and if you're lucky enough to hear him laugh, you can't help but be caught up in it too.
he snores.
he hates reading. a lot. to the degree that i ADORE reading, he hates it.
he is an amazing dad, with more wisdom than i'll ever have. when days were the darkest, and with one foot out the door, i knew he was the reason our kids would be okay, and felt okay with leaving. but he asked me to stay, and then he had the amazing ability to teach me to parent the way he does, so i could be around to see all their happy days.
he likes clutter.
he was born to be a teacher. i hope someday, he is able to work in a classroom, because all kids adore and respect him, and he has a way of connecting to them.
he says yes to me even when he should say no to me, and i know it.
he smiles in his sleep, but never remembers his dreams.
he and i laugh about how long it took us to find the road that started our journey together. there were so many missed opportunities, but i see now that we weren't ready to be "us" yet.
i never knew how to be loved, and how to love, until i fell in love with nate. i didn't know that i could be someone's everything. and i didn't know how to fully love someone until i saw how effortlessly he loved me and "m", and how he made us a family.
it's a wonderful life, when you get to share it with the one you love.
i tell him all the time. every day, multiple times a day.
but sometimes, its good to see those words in print. to set wings to the words and let them be free to touch people outside my four walls.
so i'll start as she did, and then do my best to do my man justice
:eh-hem:
"there are many things you don't know about my husband, but there aren't too many that I don't know."
i know that he has more strength and love than any man I've ever met. i can thank his momma for that. she raised him right, and showed him that men don't have to choose between being strong and being kind.
i know that he too, cannot, sleep without checking on all the kids, even our fourteen year old. and he can't sleep unless he's checked every door, because i don't sleep well unless he does.
i know that learning quickly and being naturally gifted at EVERYTHING he touches is his gift. i used to resent him for it, but now i appreciate his ability to do all things well, and right the first time. :)
i know that he holds his tongue more than anyone i know. not just around me, but others too. he doesn't hold it because he's a coward, but because he's learned that saying nothing speaks volumes, more so that a rambling fool.
i know he hurts sometimes, and he doesn't trust himself to open up. so its up to me to help him find the words.
i know he's sacrificed a world of opportunities to make my dreams a reality, from day one.
i know the minute i fell in love with him. sitting next to him at a high school friend's wedding, i wondered why it had taken me so long to see this man sitting next to me. four hours later, in a run-down denny's, he told me he loved me, and knew we'd be together forever.
he's handsome and funny, and if you're lucky enough to hear him laugh, you can't help but be caught up in it too.
he snores.
he hates reading. a lot. to the degree that i ADORE reading, he hates it.
he is an amazing dad, with more wisdom than i'll ever have. when days were the darkest, and with one foot out the door, i knew he was the reason our kids would be okay, and felt okay with leaving. but he asked me to stay, and then he had the amazing ability to teach me to parent the way he does, so i could be around to see all their happy days.
he likes clutter.
he was born to be a teacher. i hope someday, he is able to work in a classroom, because all kids adore and respect him, and he has a way of connecting to them.
he says yes to me even when he should say no to me, and i know it.
he smiles in his sleep, but never remembers his dreams.
he and i laugh about how long it took us to find the road that started our journey together. there were so many missed opportunities, but i see now that we weren't ready to be "us" yet.
i never knew how to be loved, and how to love, until i fell in love with nate. i didn't know that i could be someone's everything. and i didn't know how to fully love someone until i saw how effortlessly he loved me and "m", and how he made us a family.
it's a wonderful life, when you get to share it with the one you love.
Monday, August 30, 2010
the end of this and the beginning of that
the last day of fifth service
:sigh:
kylee and sara and christian shopping for cakes
diet coke
and magazines (a fifth service must!)
surprising me
blessing me
making me feel like i'd be truly missed
yummy cake (think dairy queen without the ice cream)
smiles and laughs
awkward photos
check check check
things i will miss:
gossip with kylie and dayna
starbucks runs
kuh-stang
slow claps
"i like me some fifth service"
old friends like scott and kyrstin and david
new friends like sara and christian
giving paul rides home
candy gorging in the control room
and lots and lots
and lots
and lots of laughs
thanks fifth
Monday, August 23, 2010
what's new with you?
who knew that four little words, asked by my friend "j", could shake me up.
"what's new with you"
welllllllllllllllllllll
let me rattle off six things about the kids, sports and friends and vacations and hobbies. then let's add nate's soon-coming promotion, and his trip to wisconsin and colorado. now add great news of my job reductions (a good thing), which has freed up some time for me.
but none of that is actually about me.
which made me really sad.
it tells me that not only am i INCREDIBLY boring, but i have failed to promote myself to the role of "valued player" in this family. i've managed everyone else's schedule and added on to their list of interests, but have neglected my own.
i have even :gasp: lost the motivation to read at night.
how sad!
yesterday, laying on the bed with nate, talking about this and that, i noticed that he (laying on his stomach with his feet up in the air behind him) couldn't get his feet anywhere near his head. so i pushed his feet, then his head, and tried to get them to touch. nope. wasn't happenening.
so then i tried to show him how i "used" to do it.
nope, that wasn't happening either.
so then i showed him how in gymastics, our coaches would get us more limber to be able to touch our feet to our head. stand about a foot from the wall, back to the wall, then arch your head back until your hands touch the wall. walk your hands down the wall, until your hands get to the floor.
i did it, kind of. not to the floor, but about 2 feet from it. not bad for a 33 year old counter jockey. haha
granted, while i did it, i slipped once and left a wet slide mark down the wall, because i guess i leave my mouth open when i do it. and then another time, my ponytail holder got caught on the light switch. good times
and then after i finished my acrobatic humiliation, it occurred to me that i did something right then that i hadn't done in i don't know how long.
no, not exercised, but thank you for that.
no, not embarrassed myself, that happens FAR too often.
at that moment, i did something just because i wanted to, because i enjoyed it. it took 2 minutes, and i did it. it wasn't about the kids, or nate. its something i did because i could, and because i wanted to.
so whats stopping me from doing this every day.
a goal: to have "something new" to tell people when they ask.
God knows i deserve a little fun. i guess it's time i start making some of my own.
"what's new with you"
welllllllllllllllllllll
let me rattle off six things about the kids, sports and friends and vacations and hobbies. then let's add nate's soon-coming promotion, and his trip to wisconsin and colorado. now add great news of my job reductions (a good thing), which has freed up some time for me.
but none of that is actually about me.
which made me really sad.
it tells me that not only am i INCREDIBLY boring, but i have failed to promote myself to the role of "valued player" in this family. i've managed everyone else's schedule and added on to their list of interests, but have neglected my own.
i have even :gasp: lost the motivation to read at night.
how sad!
yesterday, laying on the bed with nate, talking about this and that, i noticed that he (laying on his stomach with his feet up in the air behind him) couldn't get his feet anywhere near his head. so i pushed his feet, then his head, and tried to get them to touch. nope. wasn't happenening.
so then i tried to show him how i "used" to do it.
nope, that wasn't happening either.
so then i showed him how in gymastics, our coaches would get us more limber to be able to touch our feet to our head. stand about a foot from the wall, back to the wall, then arch your head back until your hands touch the wall. walk your hands down the wall, until your hands get to the floor.
i did it, kind of. not to the floor, but about 2 feet from it. not bad for a 33 year old counter jockey. haha
granted, while i did it, i slipped once and left a wet slide mark down the wall, because i guess i leave my mouth open when i do it. and then another time, my ponytail holder got caught on the light switch. good times
and then after i finished my acrobatic humiliation, it occurred to me that i did something right then that i hadn't done in i don't know how long.
no, not exercised, but thank you for that.
no, not embarrassed myself, that happens FAR too often.
at that moment, i did something just because i wanted to, because i enjoyed it. it took 2 minutes, and i did it. it wasn't about the kids, or nate. its something i did because i could, and because i wanted to.
so whats stopping me from doing this every day.
a goal: to have "something new" to tell people when they ask.
God knows i deserve a little fun. i guess it's time i start making some of my own.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
i'm stalling
right now i'm supposed to be cleaning
running to the grocery store
washing bedding
cleaning up the kitchen
or showering
instead, i'm fiddling with my blog
hmmmm, i don't like change much
but i like it so far
i'm listening to the dogs scratch in their kennels
nobody told them i need 10 more minutes of silence
the kids are still sleeping
and the only noise in the house i hear is the
AC whirring through the vent
and the soothing "click click click" of the keyboard...
.....one of my favorite sounds
guests are coming
and i have to work this afternoon
i should be busy
but i'm not
just a few more minutes of silence
and then its off to the races
running to the grocery store
washing bedding
cleaning up the kitchen
or showering
instead, i'm fiddling with my blog
hmmmm, i don't like change much
but i like it so far
i'm listening to the dogs scratch in their kennels
nobody told them i need 10 more minutes of silence
the kids are still sleeping
and the only noise in the house i hear is the
AC whirring through the vent
and the soothing "click click click" of the keyboard...
.....one of my favorite sounds
guests are coming
and i have to work this afternoon
i should be busy
but i'm not
just a few more minutes of silence
and then its off to the races
Thursday, July 1, 2010
in need of some inspiration???
check this BEAUTIFUL home out, and the artwork is too too divine. :)
here's a clue:
you can register to win "said artwork" too.
i'm already envisioning a room remodel in the colors of the print.
now which one to start with.
happy thursday! :)
here's a clue:
you can register to win "said artwork" too.
i'm already envisioning a room remodel in the colors of the print.
now which one to start with.
happy thursday! :)
Monday, June 28, 2010
what a productive day
it all started out so good, I just might get my hopes up....
woke up when nate did @ 730 (a first), and lay in an empty bathtib while he shaved and brushed and groomed himself ready for work. Who knew 10 minutes could be so enjoyable?
cleaned out desk....
....got all tax papers filed in fire-safe box, and moved pay stubs into folder for 2010 taxes...
.....clean out out purse while sitting at swim lessons, then cleaned out phone contacts and then email contacts i never use (goodbye friends from MCA who said they'd call. u never did. you've been erased. haha.......
.....made pack list for vacation...
.......made to do list for this week and next....
.........paid a speeding ticket that was$145 (not $75 like i thought). OUCH!.........
...... started packing for kalahari! woot! got all the non-clothing items packed for ourselves and the dogs....
......arranged for the boys' haircuts!
.........and its only 315!
now if i only knew what we were having for lunch
woke up when nate did @ 730 (a first), and lay in an empty bathtib while he shaved and brushed and groomed himself ready for work. Who knew 10 minutes could be so enjoyable?
cleaned out desk....
....got all tax papers filed in fire-safe box, and moved pay stubs into folder for 2010 taxes...
.....clean out out purse while sitting at swim lessons, then cleaned out phone contacts and then email contacts i never use (goodbye friends from MCA who said they'd call. u never did. you've been erased. haha.......
.....made pack list for vacation...
.......made to do list for this week and next....
.........paid a speeding ticket that was$145 (not $75 like i thought). OUCH!.........
...... started packing for kalahari! woot! got all the non-clothing items packed for ourselves and the dogs....
......arranged for the boys' haircuts!
.........and its only 315!
now if i only knew what we were having for lunch
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
i'm a night reader
not a night ranger, though the two can be easily confused. haha
(and i love that i always put haha in text, even though i am actually laughing out loud)
anyways
i'm a night reader. i rarely read during the day, unless its in my van waiting somewhere. or at work during down time. its like i have to read while already busy to justify it. but i LOVE to read in bed. i've done it since i was 8. my parents had a rule. (okay, they had a LOT of rules, but this one applies here): "lights out at bedtime, no exceptions"
and i was the kids with the nerves of a jumpy housecat and a WILD imagination to plague me with awful awful, "shouldn't be kid thoughts", all night long. and my dad had no tolerance for crying, or me coming to see them in the parent's room. so at the age of 8, i learned how to fake sleep when my dad came to check on me. i knew, like clockwork, at 10 he'd watch the news, at 10:30, it was cheers, and then he was off to bed. lie still, but breathe deep, because that's how sleeping people deep. oh, don't even try to fake closing your eyes, just face the wall. he'd close my door, their door would close, and the house would get silent.
count to 30. then plug in my christmas lights around my window (wicked hee hee inserted here) and ruin my eyes for the next 20 years squinting at the book in the rainbow dim of april christmas lights. my books were my companions in those dark, quiet nights. i read until i fell asleep, there on the floor, or in my bed if i'd gotten new batteries for my flashlight. the book spine pressed up against my face, i read until i was exhausted.
and it wasn't enough to have one book. if i had one, i'd better have the next one in the series, or another book to follow it up. because chances were i would finish that book, and if i didn't have another one to read, i'd have to lay there in the quiet. :gasp:
so imagine my frustration, at the age of 33, when at 3:20 in the morning this morning, while reading a delicious Francine Rivers book my big sis loaned me, my dismay to find out that it's not a novel, but a 2 part series.
yeah, i was bugged.
and awake.
at 3:20am.
fortunately, unlike my dad, i don't have a lights out rule, so i just lay there with my lights on, and drew pics on nate's back with my finger until i fell asleep.
some things never change, but it's amazing the way other things do.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
i am contemplating having more kids....
......because i would just really rather stay home. maybe i'm romanticizing it. maybe i foggily remember what it was like being a stay at home mom. (nate assures me i do). maybe its just because i've worked every crappy part time job you can imagine since the day i turned fifteen and my dad convinced me that "everyone works".
here are a list of my accomplishments:
overnite gas station attendant....check
mcdonald's cashier and cook.....check
waitress/hostess/line cook at more than one national chain of restaurants....check
administrative assistant...check and check
receptionist...check
overnight cleaning crew for allina clinics.....check
newspaper delivery person....check (it lasted one day, but check)
yogurt dispensar/cookie maker....check
daycare lady....check
cleaning lady (sure, it was my grandma, but i got paid!)....check
nanny....check
lunch lady....check
weekend maintenance person at notable local church.....check
retail clerk.....check
tv crew member.....check and check
you can see i've covered the gammet. (sp?) but today, being home, i came unglued. we're talking- don't want to eat, can't drink diet coke, can't peel myself off the couch, crying on the phone to nate -unglued.
because truth of the matter is, i don't like most of the jobs i've held. and most of the jobs don't make me like myself a whole lot either. i feel like most of the jobs have left me:
a. responsible for the problems i didn't create
b. lacking the credit of the successes i've helped my work achieve
and today. it all came crashing down in the form of a text message:
"i need to be able to count on you. i don't like that i have to work and you aren't here".
and that was the one statement that made me realize that i HATE being someone who isn't appreciated.
yes, yes..... i can hear the collective sigh. because as a mother/wife/daughter/employee, we've all gone through our own strugges with feeling unappreciated. i've been there too.
but today, it was too much.
and as my husband gently coddled me over the phone and assured me everything would be okay, and i shouldn't get myself so upset, and we will make whatever situation we are in work, and if i want to quit we will find a way to pay our bills, it made me realize the one truth to this whole day.
i have an amazing husband, who gave me amazing kids. and i wish that i had more time to be with them. which is why i just might consider having a few more.
....to be continued.....
here are a list of my accomplishments:
overnite gas station attendant....check
mcdonald's cashier and cook.....check
waitress/hostess/line cook at more than one national chain of restaurants....check
administrative assistant...check and check
receptionist...check
overnight cleaning crew for allina clinics.....check
newspaper delivery person....check (it lasted one day, but check)
yogurt dispensar/cookie maker....check
daycare lady....check
cleaning lady (sure, it was my grandma, but i got paid!)....check
nanny....check
lunch lady....check
weekend maintenance person at notable local church.....check
retail clerk.....check
tv crew member.....check and check
you can see i've covered the gammet. (sp?) but today, being home, i came unglued. we're talking- don't want to eat, can't drink diet coke, can't peel myself off the couch, crying on the phone to nate -unglued.
because truth of the matter is, i don't like most of the jobs i've held. and most of the jobs don't make me like myself a whole lot either. i feel like most of the jobs have left me:
a. responsible for the problems i didn't create
b. lacking the credit of the successes i've helped my work achieve
and today. it all came crashing down in the form of a text message:
"i need to be able to count on you. i don't like that i have to work and you aren't here".
and that was the one statement that made me realize that i HATE being someone who isn't appreciated.
yes, yes..... i can hear the collective sigh. because as a mother/wife/daughter/employee, we've all gone through our own strugges with feeling unappreciated. i've been there too.
but today, it was too much.
and as my husband gently coddled me over the phone and assured me everything would be okay, and i shouldn't get myself so upset, and we will make whatever situation we are in work, and if i want to quit we will find a way to pay our bills, it made me realize the one truth to this whole day.
i have an amazing husband, who gave me amazing kids. and i wish that i had more time to be with them. which is why i just might consider having a few more.
....to be continued.....
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
amazing, amazing life
i just got home from omaha, where we celebrated the life of my great aunt dorothy. she passed away on valentine's day, a day created for this woman who loved so selflessly.
she was amazing.
a list of the things she's accomplished would not do her justice. if i let every person whose life she touched share one memory of her, we'd be here forever.
and her passing brought our family together, and erased miles and years between us. this weekend not only blessed her, and her family, but blessed me as well.
enjoy these pix of my gorgeous family. :)
she was amazing.
a list of the things she's accomplished would not do her justice. if i let every person whose life she touched share one memory of her, we'd be here forever.
and her passing brought our family together, and erased miles and years between us. this weekend not only blessed her, and her family, but blessed me as well.
enjoy these pix of my gorgeous family. :)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
what made my day
feeling kinda blue today. missing nate, and getting bugged that he RARELY remembers to call me when he is out of town. boooooo!
insomnia, of course, sets in when he leaves. so here i am at 230 in the morning, being sad, watching tv and drinking diet coke every night this week.
thought i could use some cheer. went back and read some of my xanga postings from 2004-2005, when i'd post 3-4 times a week. it made me smile. the person i was, 26 with 4 kids. awww, the memories. its funny when you have tangible evidence of the person you were, and you hardly recognize them.
i'll share with you, cuz i'm feeling generous.
Friday December 17, 2004
i am swimming in a sea of sugar cookies
each decorated with sprinkles and frosting galore
what a perfect day
:sigh:
(note to the wise: if you have cable tv, go to bed early, because the better movies come one later, thus perpetuating the theory that i need to stay up until 330 am watching a movie i've seen a thousand times
"i've got you for two months, bender, two months")
or maybe you'd like this one
Saturday February 12, 2005
well, i have a sad thing to admit
two entries ago, i said i was watching "the wedding date"
when in fact
i hadn't
i had planned to
twice
in one weekend
but both times didn't work out
but this time
i am telling the truth
friday night: late movie
saturday night: accidentally swimming at the del rio
(here's the shortened, but equally funny, version
the part of my mom will be voiced by me)
and keep in mind, i don't swim. so i offered to just stay in my clothes and supervise
mom: take the kids in the hot tub
me: i don't really want to, and it doesn't really look too safe
mom: i've done it before, and i already told delaney and chayse that you would
me: gee, thanks. why don't you bring them
mom: because i just want to float around on the lazy river, and blah blah blah ba bliggity blah blah.......
me: chayse, delaney, parker, beckett, carson...come with me
(scene cuts to walkway, where a still fully clothed leslie walks the kids over to the hot tub)
me: alright, everyone just dangle your feet in
chayse: but nana said........
me: just do it
beckett: aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh glug glug glug
(seems funny now, but at the time, watching your kid look up at you from the bottom of a hot tub is really frightening)
leslie: splash
(scene cut to tight shot of leslie pulling beckett above water, as parents IN THE FRIGGIN HOT TUB look on, stupidly)
beckett: wwwwwwaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(cut to tight shot of beckett's face, eyes bulging and mouth agape, screaming)
leslie: you're okay beckett
(cut to wide of leslie holding beckett, including in the shot the two parents closest to him watching leslie)
stupid woman: are you okay? he really got a scare there!
equally stupid husband: yeah, it looks like you hadn't planned on swimming tonight.....heh heh.
(cut to tight shot of leslie's face, looking super pissed off)
leslie: yeah, you could say that. come on you guys, we're going back to the kiddy pool
(dissolve on shot of kids and drenched leslie walking away)
and scene
man, my life was WAY more exciting when my kids were little. :)
insomnia, of course, sets in when he leaves. so here i am at 230 in the morning, being sad, watching tv and drinking diet coke every night this week.
thought i could use some cheer. went back and read some of my xanga postings from 2004-2005, when i'd post 3-4 times a week. it made me smile. the person i was, 26 with 4 kids. awww, the memories. its funny when you have tangible evidence of the person you were, and you hardly recognize them.
i'll share with you, cuz i'm feeling generous.
Friday December 17, 2004
i am swimming in a sea of sugar cookies
each decorated with sprinkles and frosting galore
what a perfect day
:sigh:
(note to the wise: if you have cable tv, go to bed early, because the better movies come one later, thus perpetuating the theory that i need to stay up until 330 am watching a movie i've seen a thousand times
"i've got you for two months, bender, two months")
or maybe you'd like this one
Saturday February 12, 2005
well, i have a sad thing to admit
two entries ago, i said i was watching "the wedding date"
when in fact
i hadn't
i had planned to
twice
in one weekend
but both times didn't work out
but this time
i am telling the truth
friday night: late movie
saturday night: accidentally swimming at the del rio
(here's the shortened, but equally funny, version
the part of my mom will be voiced by me)
and keep in mind, i don't swim. so i offered to just stay in my clothes and supervise
mom: take the kids in the hot tub
me: i don't really want to, and it doesn't really look too safe
mom: i've done it before, and i already told delaney and chayse that you would
me: gee, thanks. why don't you bring them
mom: because i just want to float around on the lazy river, and blah blah blah ba bliggity blah blah.......
me: chayse, delaney, parker, beckett, carson...come with me
(scene cuts to walkway, where a still fully clothed leslie walks the kids over to the hot tub)
me: alright, everyone just dangle your feet in
chayse: but nana said........
me: just do it
beckett: aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh glug glug glug
(seems funny now, but at the time, watching your kid look up at you from the bottom of a hot tub is really frightening)
leslie: splash
(scene cut to tight shot of leslie pulling beckett above water, as parents IN THE FRIGGIN HOT TUB look on, stupidly)
beckett: wwwwwwaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(cut to tight shot of beckett's face, eyes bulging and mouth agape, screaming)
leslie: you're okay beckett
(cut to wide of leslie holding beckett, including in the shot the two parents closest to him watching leslie)
stupid woman: are you okay? he really got a scare there!
equally stupid husband: yeah, it looks like you hadn't planned on swimming tonight.....heh heh.
(cut to tight shot of leslie's face, looking super pissed off)
leslie: yeah, you could say that. come on you guys, we're going back to the kiddy pool
(dissolve on shot of kids and drenched leslie walking away)
and scene
man, my life was WAY more exciting when my kids were little. :)
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Question and Answer Period
Q: what do you do when your husband goes out of town?
A. watch a LOT of the office, and eat a LOT of grilled cheese and oreos.
Q. how many diet cokes would you say you drink in a day?
A. depends on the day. crappy day-8. good day-10 (haha, trick question. you thought it would be less, but in fact, its MORE!)
Q. what is with your OBSESSION with benihana?
A. idk. i guess when it comes to really overpriced food, theirs is the best. and double fried rice is the only way to go.
Q. why is it that you talk to your dogs and your sisters in weird voices (sounds like chinese baby-talk, according to nate)
A. if you were really paying attention, you would know that i also talk to my nephews that way, as well as my mom and dad on occasion, and i think its because i just like to see people smile. they always do.
Q. why do you make garbage piles everywhere, instead of throwing things in the actual trash?
A. because then, i feel like i've gotten more work done. "look at all this garbage on the desk. someone must have been getting a lot of work done today. oh! there's another pile on the coffee table. leslie must have brought her work down here too!"
Q. why are you always chewing gum?
A. because it helped me stop chewing on my hair.
Q. do you think nate will REALLY buy you a new cell phone for your birthday, because you not only need one, but really want a new one.
A. if he's smart, he will.
Q. which job do you like better, bath and body, or mrs. fields?
A. i like the fun and variety of work at mrs. fields, but i like that people are respectful to me at bath and body. and either way, i come out of work smelling good.
Q. which one of your kids is your favorite.
A. oooooh, a tricky one. madison is my favorite kid to go shopping with. she always tell me EXACTLY what she thinks, so i guess that might be a good thing. parker is my favorite kid to play board games with. he's a super sore loser, and a super happy winner. delaney is my favorite kid to joke around with. she's really funny, and she loves writing funny stories and jokes. beckett is my favorite kid to snuggle with. he'll lean into me, but not try to invade my space. anyone who knows me knows about my space issues.
Q. when did you know that you were going to marry nate?
A. the minute he showed up at my door for bridget rausch's wedding. we went together, he was my +1. he showed up, smiled at me, and as i looked into his eyes, i knew. we weren't even dating. 10 hours later, at the denny's (that's closed) off brooklyn blvd, he told me he knew we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. he was right.
Q. last question. thanks for your patience. what is the one word you could truly live without hearing even one more time.
A. epic. its the new "awesome" for this generation, and they say it ALLLLLLLLLL the time. look up the definition people. it doesn't mean what you are describing.
A. watch a LOT of the office, and eat a LOT of grilled cheese and oreos.
Q. how many diet cokes would you say you drink in a day?
A. depends on the day. crappy day-8. good day-10 (haha, trick question. you thought it would be less, but in fact, its MORE!)
Q. what is with your OBSESSION with benihana?
A. idk. i guess when it comes to really overpriced food, theirs is the best. and double fried rice is the only way to go.
Q. why is it that you talk to your dogs and your sisters in weird voices (sounds like chinese baby-talk, according to nate)
A. if you were really paying attention, you would know that i also talk to my nephews that way, as well as my mom and dad on occasion, and i think its because i just like to see people smile. they always do.
Q. why do you make garbage piles everywhere, instead of throwing things in the actual trash?
A. because then, i feel like i've gotten more work done. "look at all this garbage on the desk. someone must have been getting a lot of work done today. oh! there's another pile on the coffee table. leslie must have brought her work down here too!"
Q. why are you always chewing gum?
A. because it helped me stop chewing on my hair.
Q. do you think nate will REALLY buy you a new cell phone for your birthday, because you not only need one, but really want a new one.
A. if he's smart, he will.
Q. which job do you like better, bath and body, or mrs. fields?
A. i like the fun and variety of work at mrs. fields, but i like that people are respectful to me at bath and body. and either way, i come out of work smelling good.
Q. which one of your kids is your favorite.
A. oooooh, a tricky one. madison is my favorite kid to go shopping with. she always tell me EXACTLY what she thinks, so i guess that might be a good thing. parker is my favorite kid to play board games with. he's a super sore loser, and a super happy winner. delaney is my favorite kid to joke around with. she's really funny, and she loves writing funny stories and jokes. beckett is my favorite kid to snuggle with. he'll lean into me, but not try to invade my space. anyone who knows me knows about my space issues.
Q. when did you know that you were going to marry nate?
A. the minute he showed up at my door for bridget rausch's wedding. we went together, he was my +1. he showed up, smiled at me, and as i looked into his eyes, i knew. we weren't even dating. 10 hours later, at the denny's (that's closed) off brooklyn blvd, he told me he knew we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. he was right.
Q. last question. thanks for your patience. what is the one word you could truly live without hearing even one more time.
A. epic. its the new "awesome" for this generation, and they say it ALLLLLLLLLL the time. look up the definition people. it doesn't mean what you are describing.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
its weird
growing up at lwcc, you got used to being at church. well, not really being at church. LIVING at church. we'd attend both services on sunday morning, and head back sunday night, and then again on wednesday night. one or two of us would have ministry practice during the week, so between puppet team or P&W band, we'd be back another night or two. that's not even taking into account any special guest ministers, or special youth activites that we would attend on the weekends. did i mention that my mom worked there, so a lot of summer days were spent helping her out at church?
you get the gist.
so when we started leaving LWCC a few years back, it was weird to have weekends back. truth be told, i kinda liked not having to get up on sunday mornings, and pack everyone's sunday best into the van and head to church. or lose out on the opportunity to veg out on a saturday night. and suddenly, its been a few months since you've been there. and then, a year goes by.
and the weirdest thing happens, you start to miss it.
nate and i are creatures of two things
1. comfort
2. habit
which is why, as middle kids, we are perfectly matched.
so the last few weeks, when we started looking for a new church, we realized it had to be on saturday nites, because we hate waking up early. and it had to be close, because even BP was too far to drive from our house. and that REALLY limited down the choices.
so i' m excited to say that we are trying out a church this morning (i had to work last night, otherwise we would have gone then) to a new church in Elk River that looks pretty cool. its young, and small, and nothing like anything we've seen in a while. and we're pretty excited about that. we won't be anyone's "hey, your so-and-so's brother/mom/sister/daughter/son". yeah, we get that we're not social people, but you saying that you think we're craig, or that you've never met me but heard all about me, doesn't make me want to stay and chat with you any longer.
i'm excited. to first days, and new beginnings.
you get the gist.
so when we started leaving LWCC a few years back, it was weird to have weekends back. truth be told, i kinda liked not having to get up on sunday mornings, and pack everyone's sunday best into the van and head to church. or lose out on the opportunity to veg out on a saturday night. and suddenly, its been a few months since you've been there. and then, a year goes by.
and the weirdest thing happens, you start to miss it.
nate and i are creatures of two things
1. comfort
2. habit
which is why, as middle kids, we are perfectly matched.
so the last few weeks, when we started looking for a new church, we realized it had to be on saturday nites, because we hate waking up early. and it had to be close, because even BP was too far to drive from our house. and that REALLY limited down the choices.
so i' m excited to say that we are trying out a church this morning (i had to work last night, otherwise we would have gone then) to a new church in Elk River that looks pretty cool. its young, and small, and nothing like anything we've seen in a while. and we're pretty excited about that. we won't be anyone's "hey, your so-and-so's brother/mom/sister/daughter/son". yeah, we get that we're not social people, but you saying that you think we're craig, or that you've never met me but heard all about me, doesn't make me want to stay and chat with you any longer.
i'm excited. to first days, and new beginnings.
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