Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

hmmmmmmm

i used to believe in new year's resolutions, keeping them, quitting them, and trying over and over again to start and finish them.

before i married an eyeore like nate.

he doesn't believe in resolutions, on january 1st or any other day. "its just one more thing you're going to quit" he says.

oh bother.

and he's kinda made me stop believing in them too.

he says, "if you want to change, change! don't make a list, and don't wait until this huge day with all this pressure to be different...or better....or worse...or whatever."

so a few days late, because of my baby boy's birthday (who isn't such a baby anymore, now that he's 9...."the same age as Anakin Skywalker in episode one"-what a momentous year for him) a few non-resolutions, just things about me that will change. things i love, and things i would love to love more.

hmmmm, where to start.

i think, for me, i'll need to stop sighing, and growling, and doing the big "mom" noises i do when i am irritated. my kids do them, and they sound awful. i set that example for them, so i need to undo it.

i need to forgive faster, and more often. and remember that other people deserve the same grace that my husband, heavenly father, parents and sisters, and children grant me every day.

i need to hug more. i don't hug. at all. only nate. i need to hug my kids more, because i was a kid who hated being hugged, but now i wish i would have gotten more of them. they need it, and some days, i need it too.

i need to use self control. around oreos, and diet coke, and things with frosting.

i need to unplug. unplug from the tv, unplug from work, and unplug from my constant dialog in my head. and start connecting in the moment.

i need to reach out to friends more. ones i've let slip through the cracks. i've celebrated my own weddings and babies and big days and moments, and now my friends are getting to do those things too, only i'm telling myself i'm too busy to pick up the phone. or a pen. they need to know that i'll cheer on their successes the way they did mine.

i need to have a friendship with my mom and dad. they don't need to parent me, and i need to learn how to listen.

one more, and then i'm done.

i need to spend more time listening to my heart, and what makes me happy. i'm driven by the elves of "time lost, wasted, things not done, people not happy, to-do lists looming" that chatter in my ear all day long. i need to do the things that make me happy, even if its not always convenient. i need to put myself on my "to-do" list, right at the top.

so there's a start.

i'll keep you posted.

for now, celebrate today, and every day, like its the first step of something great.

here's a secret:

it is!

Monday, August 23, 2010

what's new with you?

who knew that four little words, asked by my friend "j", could shake me up.

"what's new with you"

welllllllllllllllllllll

let me rattle off six things about the kids, sports and friends and vacations and hobbies. then let's add nate's soon-coming promotion, and his trip to wisconsin and colorado. now add great news of my job reductions (a good thing), which has freed up some time for me.

but none of that is actually about me.

which made me really sad.

it tells me that not only am i INCREDIBLY boring, but i have failed to promote myself to the role of "valued player" in this family. i've managed everyone else's schedule and added on to their list of interests, but have neglected my own.

i have even :gasp: lost the motivation to read at night.

how sad!

yesterday, laying on the bed with nate, talking about this and that, i noticed that he (laying on his stomach with his feet up in the air behind him) couldn't get his feet anywhere near his head. so i pushed his feet, then his head, and tried to get them to touch. nope. wasn't happenening.

so then i tried to show him how i "used" to do it.

nope, that wasn't happening either.

so then i showed him how in gymastics, our coaches would get us more limber to be able to touch our feet to our head. stand about a foot from the wall, back to the wall, then arch your head back until your hands touch the wall. walk your hands down the wall, until your hands get to the floor.

i did it, kind of. not to the floor, but about 2 feet from it. not bad for a 33 year old counter jockey. haha

granted, while i did it, i slipped once and left a wet slide mark down the wall, because i guess i leave my mouth open when i do it. and then another time, my ponytail holder got caught on the light switch. good times

and then after i finished my acrobatic humiliation, it occurred to me that i did something right then that i hadn't done in i don't know how long.

no, not exercised, but thank you for that.

no, not embarrassed myself, that happens FAR too often.

at that moment, i did something just because i wanted to, because i enjoyed it. it took 2 minutes, and i did it. it wasn't about the kids, or nate. its something i did because i could, and because i wanted to.

so whats stopping me from doing this every day.

a goal: to have "something new" to tell people when they ask.

God knows i deserve a little fun. i guess it's time i start making some of my own.