feeling kinda blue today. missing nate, and getting bugged that he RARELY remembers to call me when he is out of town. boooooo!
insomnia, of course, sets in when he leaves. so here i am at 230 in the morning, being sad, watching tv and drinking diet coke every night this week.
thought i could use some cheer. went back and read some of my xanga postings from 2004-2005, when i'd post 3-4 times a week. it made me smile. the person i was, 26 with 4 kids. awww, the memories. its funny when you have tangible evidence of the person you were, and you hardly recognize them.
i'll share with you, cuz i'm feeling generous.
Friday December 17, 2004
i am swimming in a sea of sugar cookies
each decorated with sprinkles and frosting galore
what a perfect day
:sigh:
(note to the wise: if you have cable tv, go to bed early, because the better movies come one later, thus perpetuating the theory that i need to stay up until 330 am watching a movie i've seen a thousand times
"i've got you for two months, bender, two months")
or maybe you'd like this one
Saturday February 12, 2005
well, i have a sad thing to admit
two entries ago, i said i was watching "the wedding date"
when in fact
i hadn't
i had planned to
twice
in one weekend
but both times didn't work out
but this time
i am telling the truth
friday night: late movie
saturday night: accidentally swimming at the del rio
(here's the shortened, but equally funny, version
the part of my mom will be voiced by me)
and keep in mind, i don't swim. so i offered to just stay in my clothes and supervise
mom: take the kids in the hot tub
me: i don't really want to, and it doesn't really look too safe
mom: i've done it before, and i already told delaney and chayse that you would
me: gee, thanks. why don't you bring them
mom: because i just want to float around on the lazy river, and blah blah blah ba bliggity blah blah.......
me: chayse, delaney, parker, beckett, carson...come with me
(scene cuts to walkway, where a still fully clothed leslie walks the kids over to the hot tub)
me: alright, everyone just dangle your feet in
chayse: but nana said........
me: just do it
beckett: aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh glug glug glug
(seems funny now, but at the time, watching your kid look up at you from the bottom of a hot tub is really frightening)
leslie: splash
(scene cut to tight shot of leslie pulling beckett above water, as parents IN THE FRIGGIN HOT TUB look on, stupidly)
beckett: wwwwwwaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(cut to tight shot of beckett's face, eyes bulging and mouth agape, screaming)
leslie: you're okay beckett
(cut to wide of leslie holding beckett, including in the shot the two parents closest to him watching leslie)
stupid woman: are you okay? he really got a scare there!
equally stupid husband: yeah, it looks like you hadn't planned on swimming tonight.....heh heh.
(cut to tight shot of leslie's face, looking super pissed off)
leslie: yeah, you could say that. come on you guys, we're going back to the kiddy pool
(dissolve on shot of kids and drenched leslie walking away)
and scene
man, my life was WAY more exciting when my kids were little. :)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Question and Answer Period
Q: what do you do when your husband goes out of town?
A. watch a LOT of the office, and eat a LOT of grilled cheese and oreos.
Q. how many diet cokes would you say you drink in a day?
A. depends on the day. crappy day-8. good day-10 (haha, trick question. you thought it would be less, but in fact, its MORE!)
Q. what is with your OBSESSION with benihana?
A. idk. i guess when it comes to really overpriced food, theirs is the best. and double fried rice is the only way to go.
Q. why is it that you talk to your dogs and your sisters in weird voices (sounds like chinese baby-talk, according to nate)
A. if you were really paying attention, you would know that i also talk to my nephews that way, as well as my mom and dad on occasion, and i think its because i just like to see people smile. they always do.
Q. why do you make garbage piles everywhere, instead of throwing things in the actual trash?
A. because then, i feel like i've gotten more work done. "look at all this garbage on the desk. someone must have been getting a lot of work done today. oh! there's another pile on the coffee table. leslie must have brought her work down here too!"
Q. why are you always chewing gum?
A. because it helped me stop chewing on my hair.
Q. do you think nate will REALLY buy you a new cell phone for your birthday, because you not only need one, but really want a new one.
A. if he's smart, he will.
Q. which job do you like better, bath and body, or mrs. fields?
A. i like the fun and variety of work at mrs. fields, but i like that people are respectful to me at bath and body. and either way, i come out of work smelling good.
Q. which one of your kids is your favorite.
A. oooooh, a tricky one. madison is my favorite kid to go shopping with. she always tell me EXACTLY what she thinks, so i guess that might be a good thing. parker is my favorite kid to play board games with. he's a super sore loser, and a super happy winner. delaney is my favorite kid to joke around with. she's really funny, and she loves writing funny stories and jokes. beckett is my favorite kid to snuggle with. he'll lean into me, but not try to invade my space. anyone who knows me knows about my space issues.
Q. when did you know that you were going to marry nate?
A. the minute he showed up at my door for bridget rausch's wedding. we went together, he was my +1. he showed up, smiled at me, and as i looked into his eyes, i knew. we weren't even dating. 10 hours later, at the denny's (that's closed) off brooklyn blvd, he told me he knew we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. he was right.
Q. last question. thanks for your patience. what is the one word you could truly live without hearing even one more time.
A. epic. its the new "awesome" for this generation, and they say it ALLLLLLLLLL the time. look up the definition people. it doesn't mean what you are describing.
A. watch a LOT of the office, and eat a LOT of grilled cheese and oreos.
Q. how many diet cokes would you say you drink in a day?
A. depends on the day. crappy day-8. good day-10 (haha, trick question. you thought it would be less, but in fact, its MORE!)
Q. what is with your OBSESSION with benihana?
A. idk. i guess when it comes to really overpriced food, theirs is the best. and double fried rice is the only way to go.
Q. why is it that you talk to your dogs and your sisters in weird voices (sounds like chinese baby-talk, according to nate)
A. if you were really paying attention, you would know that i also talk to my nephews that way, as well as my mom and dad on occasion, and i think its because i just like to see people smile. they always do.
Q. why do you make garbage piles everywhere, instead of throwing things in the actual trash?
A. because then, i feel like i've gotten more work done. "look at all this garbage on the desk. someone must have been getting a lot of work done today. oh! there's another pile on the coffee table. leslie must have brought her work down here too!"
Q. why are you always chewing gum?
A. because it helped me stop chewing on my hair.
Q. do you think nate will REALLY buy you a new cell phone for your birthday, because you not only need one, but really want a new one.
A. if he's smart, he will.
Q. which job do you like better, bath and body, or mrs. fields?
A. i like the fun and variety of work at mrs. fields, but i like that people are respectful to me at bath and body. and either way, i come out of work smelling good.
Q. which one of your kids is your favorite.
A. oooooh, a tricky one. madison is my favorite kid to go shopping with. she always tell me EXACTLY what she thinks, so i guess that might be a good thing. parker is my favorite kid to play board games with. he's a super sore loser, and a super happy winner. delaney is my favorite kid to joke around with. she's really funny, and she loves writing funny stories and jokes. beckett is my favorite kid to snuggle with. he'll lean into me, but not try to invade my space. anyone who knows me knows about my space issues.
Q. when did you know that you were going to marry nate?
A. the minute he showed up at my door for bridget rausch's wedding. we went together, he was my +1. he showed up, smiled at me, and as i looked into his eyes, i knew. we weren't even dating. 10 hours later, at the denny's (that's closed) off brooklyn blvd, he told me he knew we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. he was right.
Q. last question. thanks for your patience. what is the one word you could truly live without hearing even one more time.
A. epic. its the new "awesome" for this generation, and they say it ALLLLLLLLLL the time. look up the definition people. it doesn't mean what you are describing.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
its weird
growing up at lwcc, you got used to being at church. well, not really being at church. LIVING at church. we'd attend both services on sunday morning, and head back sunday night, and then again on wednesday night. one or two of us would have ministry practice during the week, so between puppet team or P&W band, we'd be back another night or two. that's not even taking into account any special guest ministers, or special youth activites that we would attend on the weekends. did i mention that my mom worked there, so a lot of summer days were spent helping her out at church?
you get the gist.
so when we started leaving LWCC a few years back, it was weird to have weekends back. truth be told, i kinda liked not having to get up on sunday mornings, and pack everyone's sunday best into the van and head to church. or lose out on the opportunity to veg out on a saturday night. and suddenly, its been a few months since you've been there. and then, a year goes by.
and the weirdest thing happens, you start to miss it.
nate and i are creatures of two things
1. comfort
2. habit
which is why, as middle kids, we are perfectly matched.
so the last few weeks, when we started looking for a new church, we realized it had to be on saturday nites, because we hate waking up early. and it had to be close, because even BP was too far to drive from our house. and that REALLY limited down the choices.
so i' m excited to say that we are trying out a church this morning (i had to work last night, otherwise we would have gone then) to a new church in Elk River that looks pretty cool. its young, and small, and nothing like anything we've seen in a while. and we're pretty excited about that. we won't be anyone's "hey, your so-and-so's brother/mom/sister/daughter/son". yeah, we get that we're not social people, but you saying that you think we're craig, or that you've never met me but heard all about me, doesn't make me want to stay and chat with you any longer.
i'm excited. to first days, and new beginnings.
you get the gist.
so when we started leaving LWCC a few years back, it was weird to have weekends back. truth be told, i kinda liked not having to get up on sunday mornings, and pack everyone's sunday best into the van and head to church. or lose out on the opportunity to veg out on a saturday night. and suddenly, its been a few months since you've been there. and then, a year goes by.
and the weirdest thing happens, you start to miss it.
nate and i are creatures of two things
1. comfort
2. habit
which is why, as middle kids, we are perfectly matched.
so the last few weeks, when we started looking for a new church, we realized it had to be on saturday nites, because we hate waking up early. and it had to be close, because even BP was too far to drive from our house. and that REALLY limited down the choices.
so i' m excited to say that we are trying out a church this morning (i had to work last night, otherwise we would have gone then) to a new church in Elk River that looks pretty cool. its young, and small, and nothing like anything we've seen in a while. and we're pretty excited about that. we won't be anyone's "hey, your so-and-so's brother/mom/sister/daughter/son". yeah, we get that we're not social people, but you saying that you think we're craig, or that you've never met me but heard all about me, doesn't make me want to stay and chat with you any longer.
i'm excited. to first days, and new beginnings.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
today is a good day.....
...... i decorated my first cookie cake all by myself. no help with the lettering. :)
...... i finally used the last check in the register with our apartment address on it. its like we've FINALLY moved on, and this is our forever home. no more little reminders every time i pay a bill. :)
..... parker and delaney have finally turned the corner with the colds they've been miserable with.
.... nate and i have found a new B&B we plan on visiting, a HUGE success considering that we went to the BEST one on our 1 year anniversary, and they closed down shortly after. can't wait to have some extra $$ so we can book a weekend. feels like the romance is starting already.
..... its bunco nite: enough said.
its been a great day. :)
...... i finally used the last check in the register with our apartment address on it. its like we've FINALLY moved on, and this is our forever home. no more little reminders every time i pay a bill. :)
..... parker and delaney have finally turned the corner with the colds they've been miserable with.
.... nate and i have found a new B&B we plan on visiting, a HUGE success considering that we went to the BEST one on our 1 year anniversary, and they closed down shortly after. can't wait to have some extra $$ so we can book a weekend. feels like the romance is starting already.
..... its bunco nite: enough said.
its been a great day. :)
Saturday, November 7, 2009
lately...
...i've been thinking about change. things i don't like about myself, or things that frustrate me, and how i can change them. nate doesn't believe in new years resolutions, whereas i am a HUGE fan of making a list with 5 goals, and trying to change them all. sadly, by week's end, or month's end, i've fallen off the horse, and i usually quit altogether.
i've had this bad habit since i was 13 or so. and every year, i swear i'm going to quit, and every year i fail. i even made a goal to quit before i'm 30, and then i failed. then i made a goal to atleast tell people, which would help keep me accountable for quittting, and i failed that too. its frustrating, because the pressure of doing/not doing it for so many years has seeped into other areas of my life, and kept me from doing a lot of other things. like being happy, and finding peace. and those are 2 VERY big things. and here's the thing about people with secrets, something most people don't think about: most people already know you do it, they just are waiting for you to tell them in your own time, rather than have to "bust you" on it. so i should be smart enough to know that people have figured it out, but instead, i hide it. and me.
thats the saddest thing to read in type.
i hate being called "the center of attention", because i'm not. i'm the person hiding inside the shell of the person in the center of the room, laughing with all my friends. and i wish i could change that.
its not just that one thing i'd like to change, but a number of things, in case you deem this post too serious. here's my list, of 7 little things, i'm sharing with you this saturday morning:
1. i'd like to drink less diet coke. i'm addicted. its sad. but i LOVE it. and thats sad too.
2. i'd like to watch less tv. i've been a tv nut since i was little. its weird.
3. i'd like to be a better listener. sometimes, i just check out.
4. i'd like to WANT to clean my house every week, and not just do it because i should.
5. i'd like to eat healthier, and be more active. not "thin", just in better shape.
6. i'd like to be better about going to church. we don't go at all, since we left LWCC
7. i'd like to stop losing my temper so much, and be a better wife and mom.
putting this all in words, in type, online, for people to read doesn't hold me more accountable to the things i want to change, but it helps me get it out. and i guess, thats enough change for me today.
i've had this bad habit since i was 13 or so. and every year, i swear i'm going to quit, and every year i fail. i even made a goal to quit before i'm 30, and then i failed. then i made a goal to atleast tell people, which would help keep me accountable for quittting, and i failed that too. its frustrating, because the pressure of doing/not doing it for so many years has seeped into other areas of my life, and kept me from doing a lot of other things. like being happy, and finding peace. and those are 2 VERY big things. and here's the thing about people with secrets, something most people don't think about: most people already know you do it, they just are waiting for you to tell them in your own time, rather than have to "bust you" on it. so i should be smart enough to know that people have figured it out, but instead, i hide it. and me.
thats the saddest thing to read in type.
i hate being called "the center of attention", because i'm not. i'm the person hiding inside the shell of the person in the center of the room, laughing with all my friends. and i wish i could change that.
its not just that one thing i'd like to change, but a number of things, in case you deem this post too serious. here's my list, of 7 little things, i'm sharing with you this saturday morning:
1. i'd like to drink less diet coke. i'm addicted. its sad. but i LOVE it. and thats sad too.
2. i'd like to watch less tv. i've been a tv nut since i was little. its weird.
3. i'd like to be a better listener. sometimes, i just check out.
4. i'd like to WANT to clean my house every week, and not just do it because i should.
5. i'd like to eat healthier, and be more active. not "thin", just in better shape.
6. i'd like to be better about going to church. we don't go at all, since we left LWCC
7. i'd like to stop losing my temper so much, and be a better wife and mom.
putting this all in words, in type, online, for people to read doesn't hold me more accountable to the things i want to change, but it helps me get it out. and i guess, thats enough change for me today.
Monday, November 2, 2009
i have a crabby dad
i can vividly remember my dad paying bills. not so much paying them, as much as him dragging out a hard-sided briefcase, thumping it onto our kitchen table, and hearing those 2 clicks of the locks popping open. those 2 clicks were like a gunshot, as we raced to leave the room to avoid the upcoming wrath. he'd grab the checkbook, grab the receipts, and grab the LARGE stack of bills. it was a good way to ruin a perfectly nice saturday, cuz for the rest of the day, he'd be furious.
flash forward 20 years to me, sitting at my desk, pulling out my b&w composition notebook (even though i use quicken, it still helps me to see it on paper), and starting the day with 2 clicks of a pen. the kids were lucky enough to escape to school, but the dogs are laying on my bed in the other room, avoiding me. that long list of bills on the notebook stares me down, and they only go up every month. the 5 little lines that are our 5 jobs we share always seem staying the same, and the only thing that goes up is our frustrations. cutting back, check. working more, check. feeling the pinch, double check. its frustrating, living the american dream. owning a home, and watching so much of your money go right out the door (literally!).
i never understood why my dad was so crabby. our lives were so full, and our house was so great. we never had want for anything, and even though we may not have driven the "best" cars or had the latest anything, we had everything we needed. but i do get it now. his frustration was not with our spending, it was how his time was spent all day long at work. And once he did all the math, how very little he had to show for it once all the bills were paid.
i am so blessed, to be homeowner, still current on their mortgage, with all utilities paid in full every month, and groceries to feed our family of six. I'm grateful, so very very grateful. but sometimes, its like, in between the jobs and the kids, and nate and i just seeing each other in passing, i want to remember a time when it wasn't like this. and the sad thing is, there isn't one.
dear dad, i know why you were angry. you missed us, and the opportunity to be with us, because you were working hard to send your money to people who were just going to take it all again next month. i'm sorry i never realized it until now, when i've become that person too.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
all i want....
......by leslie jane
"eh-hemmmm"
all i want
is not much at all
just a few things to make me smile
make things go smoothly
make more people happy (including me)
all i want
is whiter teeth
longer hair
a smaller bottom
a bra that fits
less muffins in my middle
laundry that does itself
please and thank you's
and maybe a smile for no reason at all
all i want
is for people to find purpose
and fulfillment
without losing their hair
or their mind
or their way in the process
(this also includes me)
all i want
is for people to realize
how uneasy most of us feel
in our own skin
and how one GENUINE compliment
could change the day
the life
the world
to one person
who's truly in need
all i want
is to be motivated
stay motivated
start something
and then finish it
(and then have someone crown me with a tiara
and sash that reads "amazing mom finishes a task!")
all i want
is for everyone
to get one hug today
and close their eyes
and enjoy it
not think about the groceries
or the budget
or their next motorcycle ride
or the projects left on their desk
or the lawn covered in dandelions
or the mistake you just made (and will probably make again)
or the mess left in the sink
just that hug
just that moment
just the love stuck in between you and that person
so today
and everyday
all i want
is everything
but for now
i'll be happy
with what i already have
"eh-hemmmm"
all i want
is not much at all
just a few things to make me smile
make things go smoothly
make more people happy (including me)
all i want
is whiter teeth
longer hair
a smaller bottom
a bra that fits
less muffins in my middle
laundry that does itself
please and thank you's
and maybe a smile for no reason at all
all i want
is for people to find purpose
and fulfillment
without losing their hair
or their mind
or their way in the process
(this also includes me)
all i want
is for people to realize
how uneasy most of us feel
in our own skin
and how one GENUINE compliment
could change the day
the life
the world
to one person
who's truly in need
all i want
is to be motivated
stay motivated
start something
and then finish it
(and then have someone crown me with a tiara
and sash that reads "amazing mom finishes a task!")
all i want
is for everyone
to get one hug today
and close their eyes
and enjoy it
not think about the groceries
or the budget
or their next motorcycle ride
or the projects left on their desk
or the lawn covered in dandelions
or the mistake you just made (and will probably make again)
or the mess left in the sink
just that hug
just that moment
just the love stuck in between you and that person
so today
and everyday
all i want
is everything
but for now
i'll be happy
with what i already have
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
