say goodbye to the old
and in with the new
while :gasp!: furniture shopping last night with an all-too chipper hubby, we realized that it has been 7 years since we moved out of our first "drowning in debt" Lombardy house. Seven years! beckett was 2, and we bought a roll-off dumpster, and threw away most of our lives because
1. it was trashed, and wasn't worth anything
2. we were beginning to be a little hoarder-ish, so most of it was just stuff
3. we didn't know where we were moving to, so we didn't think we had room for all that crap.
so with our four kids, one van, one car, a billion boxes of stuff, one queen sized bed and nightstand and armoire, and one FABOOSH green chair, and $1500 in our pocket to show for our loss of a house, we were off. we bought double bunk beds, a new couch, a free kitchen table and chairs (thanks to my dad!) and moved into the saddest place ever: low income housing.
but we didn't see it that way.
because to us, after selling our house in a short sale 2 weeks before the sheriff's sale, with shame in our hearts and kids to hang on to, we got the one thing we truly needed:
a fresh perspective, and a brand new start.
and it did start there. nate set up our (tiny) bedroom with a computer desk, and introduced me to quicken, and showed me how to budget, and balance a checkbook, and have money left over every month. it wasn't a lot, but it was the first step. and as each creditor got their fair share (oh discover card, we still hate you!) and the phone calls became less and less, we got a sense of what normal must feel like.
normal must feel like happiness, when you realize your pay check isn't gone the minute you get it.
normal must feel like wisdom, when you realize you just don't purchase the item you're craving, rather than take on extra jobs to cover your bounced check fees from all your impulse purchases. (true story!)
normal must feel like a breath of fresh air, as you breathe in sanity every night, knowing you'll sleep. instead of staring at the wall while you feel your world crumble around you. you lay there, making yourself stay in bed, because you know if one foot hits the floor, the other one will follow and you'll run out on this life forever.
we still made mistakes. lots of them. and we still get a little spendy, but we have a good balance now, and the perspective to see where we can get to.
so fast forward 7 years. the kids are at home, and we are at ashley furniture buying a new bed frame. even though every part of me wants a new mattress and bedding and to redecorate everything, i'm thankful for the new bed nate is buying me. i loooooooove it. and when we sign the papers and walk out the door, i say to nate "this is one of three things we have left from our life in lombardy. our bed, our armoire, and our faboosh green chair". and we are speechless for a minute, because that seems like a lifetime ago.
and usually, i have trouble letting go. i don't like change, at all. anyone who knows me knows how paralyzed i get by change.
but this bed, and the journey that took me to my barbie dream house, and all those sleepless nights i spent in it, i'm just a little happy to let go.
goodbye, old bed. hello, new life.