Sometimes I hate Facebook

k-

i see all these photos from parties i'm not at, and weddings of people from LONGGGGGG ago, with friends that were friends equally long ago, and i wonder why i'm not in them. not invited, not mentioned, not even a thought.

its not like i have a lifestyle like theirs, or have careers like theirs, or even have a need to be friends with them anymore, but so much of my life is spent....where? i have re-typed that sentence with three different endings, and none of them make sense. i have kids, but so do the people in the photos. i have a job, and so do the people having fun. i have a husband, and so do everyone in the photos of couples having game nites and parties.

so what is it?

i feel like most of my life is spent on the sidelines, watching everyone having fun, and wishing i could be a part of it. someone the other day found out i was "invited" to go out to lunch with some friends, and they asked "why are you hanging out with my friends? i didn't think they were your friends." and she was right.

they aren't my friends. they are just people who invite me to things, because they know that i bring a lot of fun with me.

yay me!

the sad part of it is that most of my life is spent indoors, watching tv, hanging with my kids, and being with my husband. because we don't get invited to things, we don't have any other couples we hang out with, and i don't feel like i have any real true friends, other than my two sisters and people that i call "co-workers"

this is me, wondering why life at 31 feels strangely like life in high school. and wishing, again, that i felt like i belonged.

how many burgers does it take to feed a motorcycle gang?

what did you do today?

i cleaned my house, and then fed 14 guys from a motorcycle shoot nate did this morning. the group included hard-core riders from the Black Sheep, to weekend riders like nate's dad. they came down our street, roaring on their choppers, and came into the house like a cloud of black leather. all smiles and hellos though, these guys were one of a kind. nate showed up after they did, but was happy to find that the kids had done a good job being good hosts while i manned the grill. everyone enjoyed jalepeno jack and bacon cheddar burgers from bob's produce, and everyone left full! nate was happy, and so was i.

there's gotta be a lesson in here somewhere!

so this past sunday, nate and i were supposed to go see my fave singer (marc broussard) at the varsity theater. its been a little more than 2 years since marc came, so i was THRILLED to find out he was coming. i bought the tickets months ago, so i had a countdown going of the days until we went. fast forward to sunday: our kids were being HORRIBLE, and although i have been fine with leaving the kids home under madison's supervision before, they were at each others throats. so we made a big decision to skip it. we're out the money, but hey, we got the night together, right?

:crushed:

now skip back to yesterday. nate comes home from work, after a long week of impossible deadlines and too many malfunctions to name, and tells me that he is no where near ready for the motorcycle shoot he's planned for saturday, and needs all the time he can to get ready for it. which means friday night's plan is out. did i mention i had third row seats at the weezer concert tonight at the xcel energy center? and they are nate's favorite band? and the tickets cost a small fortune? and nate doesn't want to try and sell them on craigslist or anything, he'll just "give them away to someone at work".

:double crushed:




so now, with only one more set of tickets in hand (15th row for "Wicked" at the Orpheum), i am wondering if i should stop buying tix to concerts and stuff, because my best intentions turn into capital losses for our budget. i REALLY want to go to wicked, and have already warned nate that even if he decides not to go, i will take one of my friends and go. what are the odds we would have to cancel for a third time?

i don't even want to think about it!

its a budget, people!

well here's my attempt at a second "riveting" post. nate and i were paying the mortgage ( i love it!) today, and looking at our upcoming bills for the month. its interesting, looking at how things have changed since we moved in. for instance: diet coke, although a staple in my book, goes unreplenished if my grocery money has already been spent. and the bills, well, in the apartment, it was cell phone, cable, and electric (all totaling less than $200 a month).

now, its garbage, water, electric, heat, cable (extra awesome cable with a dvr!), home phone, and insurance. and i am looking at all these bills, and like most people, trying to figure out a way to cut them back a bit. i could lose the dvr and super+ cable, but its my one luxury item in life. did i just say that? then our cell phones, i could cut back to less than 200 txts a month, but i would end up paying more just because my sisters and i are addicted to txting a few times a day, so its cheaper just to keep the plan.

groceries. yep, 6 people, four of them being starving children. haha. nope, that ain't it.

then it occurred to me today that i enjoy watching my super+ cable (on our 50 inch plasma) when i come home from work at 230ish. and then i watch when my shows are on around 7, until 9 or so. then we clean up, load the dishwasher, and get in bed around 11. then i watch tv (on my 13 inch) for an hour or so more, and then set my sleep timer on the tv for 90 minutes so i can fall asleep to it (melissa knows what i am talking about!) overall, i figure that i watch tv or have the tv on for 6 hours a day, on a productive day. on my days off, its not unusual for me to keep the tv on while i watch old 90210 reruns while cleaning up or running laundry, so add a few hours more. i know, its disgusting, but bear with me here.

so while i am pondering all this over while paying bills, nate mentions to me that with winter approaching, our gas bill will only get higher as we heat the house (its on no setting right now, since the house stays perfect without heat or cool). this gets me thinking: i wonder how much my constant tv watching affects our electric bill? so i get a great idea to challenge myself (and hopefully, my budget):

for the next month, i will no longer be watching tv during daytime hours, and will limit my tv watching time to 7-9 pm. that means, no more 90210, no more late night "seinfeld" or "will and grace" reruns while i fall asleep. and if its not a tv night where one of my "shows" is on, the tv won't get turned on. overall, i think i will, cut our electric bill by a quarter (or maybe a third!). right now, our electric bill is about $121.00 a month. this a good chance for me to change my very worst behavior (mindless tv watching), and maybe improve my budget a bit. i think it will be great.....i hope! thoughts???