hmmmmmmm, it seems like a good sign

say goodbye to the old
and in with the new

while :gasp!: furniture shopping last night with an all-too chipper hubby, we realized that it has been 7 years since we moved out of our first "drowning in debt" Lombardy house. Seven years! beckett was 2, and we bought a roll-off dumpster, and threw away most of our lives because
1. it was trashed, and wasn't worth anything
2. we were beginning to be a little hoarder-ish, so most of it was just stuff
3. we didn't know where we were moving to, so we didn't think we had room for all that crap.

so with our four kids, one van, one car, a billion boxes of stuff, one queen sized bed and nightstand and armoire, and one FABOOSH green chair, and $1500 in our pocket to show for our loss of a house, we were off. we bought double bunk beds, a new couch, a free kitchen table and chairs (thanks to my dad!) and moved into the saddest place ever: low income housing.

but we didn't see it that way.

because to us, after selling our house in a short sale 2 weeks before the sheriff's sale, with shame in our hearts and kids to hang on to, we got the one thing we truly needed:

a fresh perspective, and a brand new start.

and it did start there. nate set up our (tiny) bedroom with a computer desk, and introduced me to quicken, and showed me how to budget, and balance a checkbook, and have money left over every month. it wasn't a lot, but it was the first step. and as each creditor got their fair share (oh discover card, we still hate you!) and the phone calls became less and less, we got a sense of what normal must feel like.

normal must feel like happiness, when you realize your pay check isn't gone the minute you get it.

normal must feel like wisdom, when you realize you just don't purchase the item you're craving, rather than take on extra jobs to cover your bounced check fees from all your impulse purchases. (true story!)

normal must feel like a breath of fresh air, as you breathe in sanity every night, knowing you'll sleep. instead of staring at the wall while you feel your world crumble around you. you lay there, making yourself stay in bed, because you know if one foot hits the floor, the other one will follow and you'll run out on this life forever.

we still made mistakes. lots of them. and we still get a little spendy, but we have a good balance now, and the perspective to see where we can get to.

so fast forward 7 years. the kids are at home, and we are at ashley furniture buying a new bed frame. even though every part of me wants a new mattress and bedding and to redecorate everything, i'm thankful for the new bed nate is buying me. i loooooooove it. and when we sign the papers and walk out the door, i say to nate "this is one of three things we have left from our life in lombardy. our bed, our armoire, and our faboosh green chair". and we are speechless for a minute, because that seems like a lifetime ago.

and usually, i have trouble letting go. i don't like change, at all. anyone who knows me knows how paralyzed i get by change.

but this bed, and the journey that took me to my barbie dream house, and all those sleepless nights i spent in it, i'm just a little happy to let go.

goodbye, old bed. hello, new life.

the man i love

while reading a fave blogger's entry about her husband, and how incredibly proud and in love with him she is, it occurs to me how much i adore and appreciate my husband nate.

i tell him all the time. every day, multiple times a day.

but sometimes, its good to see those words in print. to set wings to the words and let them be free to touch people outside my four walls.

so i'll start as she did, and then do my best to do my man justice

:eh-hem:

"there are many things you don't know about my husband, but there aren't too many that I don't know."

i know that he has more strength and love than any man I've ever met. i can thank his momma for that. she raised him right, and showed him that men don't have to choose between being strong and being kind.

i know that he too, cannot, sleep without checking on all the kids, even our fourteen year old. and he can't sleep unless he's checked every door, because i don't sleep well unless he does.

i know that learning quickly and being naturally gifted at EVERYTHING he touches is his gift. i used to resent him for it, but now i appreciate his ability to do all things well, and right the first time. :)

i know that he holds his tongue more than anyone i know. not just around me, but others too. he doesn't hold it because he's a coward, but because he's learned that saying nothing speaks volumes, more so that a rambling fool.

i know he hurts sometimes, and he doesn't trust himself to open up. so its up to me to help him find the words.

i know he's sacrificed a world of opportunities to make my dreams a reality, from day one.

i know the minute i fell in love with him. sitting next to him at a high school friend's wedding, i wondered why it had taken me so long to see this man sitting next to me. four hours later, in a run-down denny's, he told me he loved me, and knew we'd be together forever.

he's handsome and funny, and if you're lucky enough to hear him laugh, you can't help but be caught up in it too.

he snores.

he hates reading. a lot. to the degree that i ADORE reading, he hates it.

he is an amazing dad, with more wisdom than i'll ever have. when days were the darkest, and with one foot out the door, i knew he was the reason our kids would be okay, and felt okay with leaving. but he asked me to stay, and then he had the amazing ability to teach me to parent the way he does, so i could be around to see all their happy days.

he likes clutter.

he was born to be a teacher. i hope someday, he is able to work in a classroom, because all kids adore and respect him, and he has a way of connecting to them.

he says yes to me even when he should say no to me, and i know it.

he smiles in his sleep, but never remembers his dreams.

he and i laugh about how long it took us to find the road that started our journey together. there were so many missed opportunities, but i see now that we weren't ready to be "us" yet.

i never knew how to be loved, and how to love, until i fell in love with nate. i didn't know that i could be someone's everything. and i didn't know how to fully love someone until i saw how effortlessly he loved me and "m", and how he made us a family.

it's a wonderful life, when you get to share it with the one you love.

amazing, amazing life

i just got home from omaha, where we celebrated the life of my great aunt dorothy. she passed away on valentine's day, a day created for this woman who loved so selflessly.

she was amazing.

a list of the things she's accomplished would not do her justice. if i let every person whose life she touched share one memory of her, we'd be here forever.

and her passing brought our family together, and erased miles and years between us. this weekend not only blessed her, and her family, but blessed me as well.

enjoy these pix of my gorgeous family. :)